Ah, when the rest of the country is the focus of the media’s attention due to the extreme weather and temperatures, leave it California to find a way to makes itself feel important. What am I talking about? Well, California had a brutal and bitter cold snap along with the rest of the United States. Didn’t know about it? Well, here’s why…
They had a low of 50 degrees.
Yes, you read that right. 50 fucking degrees.
What were they in danger of?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Oh, there was a little breeze, causing the trees to rustle their leaves a bit. And heaven forbid their residents had to put on a sweater or a light jacket before getting in their car and driving down the open highway to work. I mean, what I wouldn’t give to drive down the road near my house and not have to worry if I’ll end up in a ditch because the roads are a sheet of ice under all that snow. Heaven forbid the road’s actually clear enough to get through in the first place. Knowing my luck, I’d get stuck in a 3ft snow drift in the middle of the road.
And that’s if I’m able to start my car in the first place… and they haven’t even plowed here.
Excuse me if I don’t cry for you. I mean, if I did, they’d only freeze during the 10 minutes that I dare risk outside exposure for fear of having parts of my body freeze… quite literally. Never mind the fact that it’s a repeat process because the spot I just shoveled is as deep as it was 20 minutes ago due to the 35 mph sustained wind.
Yes, tell me about your light breeze and your 50-degree weather, again.
I love it too because even Jimmy Kimmel made fun of these parka-wearing idiots, flipping out over their mild 50-degree weather on the local news.
I know that Canadians and those in the extreme northern States are laughing all the way to the bank over our own misfortune, but I believe we do have a little leeway. This kind of weather only happens once every 20 years or so, and the truth is that we’re ill-equipped to handle these kinds of extremes. What you considered a normal day of the week in the north is crippling in the Midwest.
But I digress.